Think about summer, it has the illusion that it’s limited and so you feel like you don’t have time to sit there and wait for things to happen; you expect them to happen. You say no to the things that don’t excite your soul because why would you when your time is so ‘limited?’ You give yourself permission to say no because you feel as though the consequences are slim; you don’t have to see the person that you say no to the next day at whatever you are ‘free’ from during that time.
Being afraid to say no comes from the fear of the future. We think that if we say yes to something that we don’t want to do, it will help us in some way. But if our life is made up of all of the moments in it, why would you agree to something that doesn’t sit well in that moment? It’s because we don’t give ourselves the permission to. Something in us tell us that we should just try and ‘go with the flow.’ But going with the flow steers you away from you BEING in your flow.
When my friend, Tess, and I first moved to Sydney we didn’t have anywhere to live. We agreed to move into a share house that seemed alright and showed up on move in day to find that we did not feel right about it at all. Nothing in that house felt like home and we were about to agree to a lease. We had already told the landlord that we wanted the place and would feel bad going back on our word. ‘Going back on our word’ or disappointing this man that we had known for a hot second was the only thing that stood between us and our freedom. It’s human nature to want to care for people, even if you’ve only known them for a such a short time. But that’s where you can break the pattern, we didn’t know this man and even if we did, we are allowed to speak and feel our truth, just as we would want someone else to speak their truth and follow what they love.
I looked at Tess and she could tell what I was thinking, we gotta get the heck out of here! That would be easy right? But where were we going to live? We knew that we would love to find a place for just the two of us but that didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight, and we were two girls with massive suitcases standing on the side of the road not wanting to go into a place that we felt that we had to live in out of need.
This place did not spark our spirits at all, and so we grabbed a hold of that feeling and said no. We let our feeling take over and called my friend to pick us up. The day flew by and we strangely weren’t thinking about where we were going to sleep that night. That’s when we got the call from a landlord in Bondi letting us know that a 2 bedroom apartment was available if we wanted it. We were beyond stoked.
Arriving at our new home that night we thanked ourselves for allowing us to walk away from something that didn’t feel right. Immediately we created space for something that we would love to come in because we gave it the permission to. The only part of you that needs permission is your ego, but if that thing is going to be chatty then might as well work with it and give it some direction so that you can gracefully walk towards what you love.
Let yourself off the hook! You can say no to the things that don’t sit well and say yes to the things that you would love to be created. It might be hard at first but you can start small and build it up to bigger things or just start with a big, ignited no… it’s your choice. The more you follow that real, true feeling the more it will continue to show that what you would love is possible, and the more this pattern will be engrained in you. It will come to the point that following your feeling is like a natural instinct.
When saying no, do it from a place of love. This is key! Bring it back to how you feel. If a friend asks you to go to a party and you really just aren’t feeling it, express this to them. When you’re completely honest with someone, you’re honest with yourself. This will take the energy of you being freaked out to tell someone no out of the picture, and replace it with loving energy. You both will feel the space that it’s coming from and you will feel empowered that you said yes to yourself.
