The other week I chatted with Maddison Vernon on her Self-Love webinar, ‘Perfectionists Guide to Practicing Self-Love’. When Maddison asked me to join her, I almost said no. My thoughts were racing about what I would speak about and I didn’t feel prepared. Despite my uncomfortableness trickling in, my feelings of saying yes overruled. I’m someone that likes to be prepared for things, not for fear of making mistakes, but fear of not adding as much value as I can. If listeners were going to tune into a webinar about self-love, I wanted to be able to give them what they needed in order to help them on their journey. While beginning to map out what I wanted to say, I suddenly stopped because it didn’t feel right.
I had all of the answers already within me and made an agreement to myself that if I was going to plan it would only involve these three things: be open, be honest and speak from the heart. My heart had a bank of experiences readily available for me to share, I just had to open it up and get out of the way.
By allowing myself to step aside, I was able to share things with Maddison that my conscious mind wouldn’t have allowed me to say. My conscious mind, the part of me that didn’t want to speak my full truth, would have felt too vulnerable to open up and share. But before I jumped online to chat, I felt the truth come out. We do not want to hear someone’s story or the funny joke, all we seek from others is their truth.
We want to be able to relate and know that someone else is going through what we’re going through. Something came up during the webinar that I did not plan on sharing but it was my truth; it was the turning point in my self-love journey. If I wasn’t in the space of speaking from my heart, the truth would have never come out and I wouldn’t have been able to fully give myself to the listeners. This turning point was when I said sorry to myself.
Throughout my self-love journey, I’ve done what ever I feel is right for me to do in that moment. This led me to the uncomfortable, yet beautiful moment of “I’m Sorry.” One evening I was sitting in my room and felt pulled to stand in front of the mirror. I looked at myself, while mouthing, “I’m sorry.” I was saying sorry to myself, my soul.
It was like apologising to this beautiful part of me that had been with me all along; a part that I didn’t fully accept and love, but had always loved me unconditionally. It had been with me throughout my life, supporting me at every moment.
A part of me knew that it was there all along because I could feel the love within but just hadn’t fully acknowledged its presence. We all have this part within ourselves. It’s that feeling that comes up when you’re about to take a risk, or go for something that you truly want. It’s the part of you that says ‘go for it, everything will be ok, you are supported.’ I was completely uncomfortable yet felt the biggest sigh of relief as if finally it was ok to not separate from my self. It was an overwhelming feeling of love as I told that part of me, ‘now that I’ve recognized that you’re here, I will give the love back unconditionally.’ By allowing my heart to come forward during my talk, I was able to peel back the layers and get to the true, transformational point in my self-love journey. It’s something that I could have never planned or practiced repeatedly, because your heart doesn’t need to practice, it needs you to give it the permission to come forward.
