Finding Freedom Where You Looked Last

Before coming to Sydney the first time around, I changed majors to Psychology and got super into all things positive psychology and self-help. I had just gotten out of a relationship and was terrified of learning to be me again, not to mention trying to do that in a place far away from my friends, family and everything that I had ever known. My hands were trembling with fear and as someone who listens to my intuition or ‘gut’, I was continually confused if what I was feeling was a signal to not go to Sydney. Maybe it just wasn’t aligned? I didn’t feel ready at all. 

I asked myself the questions:

Will I always wonder what was on the other side?

Will I always wonder who the people were in my study abroad program, or what being at Sydney University was like?

Will I always wonder if I was capable? Capable of going completely into the unknown and coming out on the other side.

I said my goodbyes to my parents and I went. I got on the plane to Cairns and told myself that it was going to be the adventure of a lifetime. I had to see what was on the other side.

The first day in, I met two girls. I didn’t know at the time, but they would become some of my best friends, even to this day almost six years later. Little did I know that I would have the time of my life, filled with growing experiences, ups, downs but mostly ups. Little did I know that I would break free from my rough Sophomore year and the feeling of being totally confused by which direction to go in. I would learn to accept myself and move towards being more confident, feeling more free and more me than ever before.

Then leaving Australia, I was filled with almost as much fear going home.

Would I be able to remain myself at home?

Would I be able to maintain this level of unwavering confidence, zest for life and be able to have just as good of an experience if not better there?

Reluctant to leave Sydney, I went back to Chapman.

I realized that freedom wasn’t something that needed to be situational, it could be there at anytime; it had been there all along.

Before that realization, I would go to class, do my homework and went out on the weekends. Lather, rinse, repeat. 

This time around, I would still go to class and do the things I needed to do to the best of my ability, but I went on adventures in between. I would go to the beach, make music videos with my friends, create playlists for parties, invite friends over throughout the week and felt totally free at any given day, not just on weekends. This freedom started to grow into other areas of my life.

When searching for an internship, I looked at what was already offered, or what my mind could come up with; The typical work for a big brand in the surf industry in hopes to get a job after college.

I took an internship and after the first day, I knew what I had to do. Something just didn’t sit right with me, it didn’t feel aligned and I definitely didn’t have a sense of freedom going there. I looked beyond what I had already found, let go of my three or four channels for internship stalking and typed “Surf internship” into Craiglist. (Ya I know, a bit sketchy but you never know until you try).

An internship popped up that sounded interesting. It wasn’t for a big brand but for a woman who had clients that were in the surf and fashion industries. The best part was it was in Costa Mesa and that area, just near Newport, made me feel freer than ever. As much as a beach person I am, there’s something I loved about not actually living near the beach. Driving or making an adventure to it felt more free to me than if I had lived right in front of the ocean.

I met with the internship employer over coffee and was pinching myself, this is exactly what I had been looking for in my heart. In my head, I thought the only way to be able to feel connected to surfing and the industry would be to work at a big HQ. Finding this internship brought in everything I was seeking in my life – freedom, fun, passion, creativity and doing something that feels completely aligned.

The reason why I’m sharing this with you is because you can find what you’re searching for in different packages. That freedom or fun or whatever you are seeking can be found most of the time in a different avenue than you thought and can feel more aligned than your mind could’ve ever set out to find.

I wanted freedom, safety, confidence, and I didn’t find that safely at home, I found it outside of my comfort zone in a country I had never been to. Then when going back home, I thought that adventurous freedom would leave, but it only got stronger.

Choose how you want to feel, choose what you want to seek, notice what feels aligned for you and makes you feel alive. It can happen at any moment, any day, any time if you open up to it showing up in a place where you least expect it.