Creating new, close relationships

When you’re looking to form new, authentically-rad relationships either in a new place, or in the area you’ve always been in, it can be tough to do so when you’re in your head about it. This is because when you’re searching for those relationships by using your head, you might be out doing things that don’t feel right to you, in hopes of meeting someone new and forming a close relationship with them.

When my friend and I first moved to Sydney, we craved finding a group of friends that were like-minded and fun. We had an amazing group of friends back home and so we began to search for the new counterparts. We weren’t sure where to do this but being 22, we thought we should do what other 22 year olds were doing; we went to the bars. Even nights when we didn’t particularly feel like going out, we would because we felt like we weren’t getting anywhere by staying at home. We would go out and meet plenty of new people, but none of these friendships felt like those friendships that we wanted to have.

The key thing that I missed in all of this was that I was doing something that I didn’t love to do at the time, in order to find something that I would love.

The best thing to do when wanting to form new relationships is to do what you love. Even if you don’t think that doing something in particular will equate to meeting new people, you will be surprised as to who will show up; it’s not what you’re doing that attracts them, it’s the energy you’re in while you’re doing it. When you’re doing what you love, you’re in a positive and powerful energy, and when you’re in that energy, you attract that same energy towards you.

Another thing to remember when creating new relationships is that different relationships move at different speeds. You know that friend that you meet and after five seconds of knowing him or her you instantly feel like you’ve known them forever and so you instantly feel comfortable? Those friendship-sparks are incredible, raw and real. They are also easy to act on because you already feel like it’s pretty much meant to be. What’s also key when meeting someone new is to open up to the idea that some relationships take time to form, and it’s important to give them that time to grow.

When just forming a relationship, it’s easy to analyze or judge it for what it is in its beginning stages; you might want more from it, or want it to progress in a different way. You might want to feel closer and have more trust than is initially there, but real, genuine relationships can take time to form. It’s important to give someone a chance to show who they are, because some people take longer to open up than others. You might also take some time to open up and would want that same time to do so. Not only is it important to give it time, but to give it quality time filled with shared experiences.

If you’ve just met someone, it’s likely that you might do something like catch up for coffee, or go for a walk and talk, or do things like you would on a first date. If you want to speed up the process of building a closer relationship with someone, have a shared experience with him or her. Going to coffee is great, but having a shared experience with someone will amplify the relationship by a long shot. This is because when you’re at coffee, for example, you’re opening up and sharing experiences that you’ve had in the past or talking about experiences you may have in the future.

You are discussing your own unique experiences that you’ve been having while away from each other.

On the other hand, when you’re sharing an experience together, you build a bond with them where you can relate on a deeper level. You create memories together, and most importantly you build trust. These experiences make you feel like you’re out there living your lives together, and there’s more opportunity for growth. You also feel more in sync with each other, rather than two people experiencing their lives separately and coming together to talk about it. Having shared experiences gives you the opportunity to grow together and support each other in a much different way. It’s human nature to want to relate to others, and for others to completely understand you; the way to do this is to share experiences together.

What were you doing when you met someone new? What experiences did you have with each other that made you grow your relationship?

This post originally appeared on Glow with Angela, where I contributed as a guest blogger.