Authenticity. You know it when you feel it, and when you’re feeling lost and off track, you’d do anything to find it again.
I used to think that when you’re doing what you love, being true to yourself, and saying yes to the things that light you up, you would arrive at being your full, authentic self and it would stay. I thought you would find true authenticity and it would be yours to keep, enjoy, and that would be it.
There have been a lot of times in my life where I felt completely aligned, and other times where I felt so far off track and disconnected that I didn’t know if I’d find my way back. It’s been in those tough moments where I realized there isn’t something to go ‘back’ to in order to be your true self and live an aligned life. We’re constantly evolving, and the you that you’re looking for is a combination of who you are now, what you’ve learned and been through, and where you are headed.
Authenticity can feel like total freedom; that feeling you get knowing that exactly where you are is where you are not only meant to be, but you’re fully enjoying it. Other times, authenticity can feel like speaking your truth, saying no, walking away, being courageous, doing the hard but needed thing. To me, authenticity is a feeling of being fully alive; being who you are at your core and, sometimes bravely, sharing that with the world around you.
When you’re in your flow, you usually don’t think about authenticity; You’re just living in it. When I feel like I have gotten off track, or not aligned with what I’m doing, the moment comes when I seek to find myself again. It seems that every time this happens, I feel like I’m starting over.
Who are you again? What do you like to do? What’s aligned for you?
It starts off with little things, not really noticing that I’m not feeling like my full self. Maybe I made a couple choices that felt not totally aligned, but right at the time. When I’ve gotten off track, there comes a time when I consciously become aware of it and it clicks; ‘this isn’t me’, but then I feel so disconnected that I don’t know the next step, or so I think in the moment.
If you’re feeling lost, out of sorts, not knowing which direction to take or how to feel like your truest self, know that’s normal. Authenticity is not a destination to arrive at, but a constantly evolving state and process.
Authenticity feels like an internal compass that knows your ‘yeses’ and reaffirms your ‘no’s’. It’s doing the things that feel honest to you, even if there’s fear behind it.
Authenticity is in moment to moment choices.
Knowing yourself.
Self-inquiry.
Does this feel right?
What would my highest self choose?
Should I walk away from this?
Does this light me up?
Does this give me joy?
Even if this feels hard, would I grow trust within myself?
If I made this choice, would it be me having my own back?
A few ways that you can bring about your authentic self are….
How can I do something in the way that would be unique to me?
Freedom often gives authenticity. When you do something the way that you would do it if you didn’t know how something was ‘supposed to be’ done. When I look to what others are doing, I feel boxed in and start to believe that I need to do something in a way that has already been done before, even if it feels out of alignment with the way that I work or how I like to live. There is validity to that in some ways, and learning from others is an important part of growth, but when you start to think creatively and open up to the power that is you and do things in a way that feels natural, magical things start to happen.
I believe this is because when you stay in your own lane, focus on your goals and dreams, and pursue them in a unique way to you, you open up space for the right things to come in that fit who you truly are. When you show up in your own unique way, it shows who you are at your core, and the people who align with it are often those who like to live an authentic life too. You’ll also give others the inspiration and permission to do things in a genuine way to them too.
Whether it’s deciding where to live, how to curate your lifestyle, where to work, what job or career to pursue, ask yourself, what would I do if I had the most fun? What would bring me the most joy? What would feel the most natural? If I didn’t need permission, what would I go and do now?
What would I do if this was created uniquely for me?
Then work backwards.
Be around people who lift you up and feel like home.
It can be hard to find your authentic self when you are surrounded by people who don’t totally feel aligned. When you feel lost or disconnected to your path, a way that you can find yourself again is by being around people who feel positive; a true reflection of you and your dreams.
People who reflect back to you that it’s safe to be yourself where you’re out of your head and in your experience, and enjoying life.
You can start small. It can be reaching out to just one new person this week, or reconnecting with an old friend. You don’t need to find a whole new group of people at once, and it’s ok to start where you’re at. Even having one or two aligned people in your community, can allow you to shift into your true self.
Going somewhere new
Going somewhere new can be a blank slate to connect with yourself again, or in a new way; A new way of doing things, style, energy, community, and friendships.
Sometimes going somewhere that is completely unknown is the perfect space for your true self to show up. It’s a platform to try on new parts of yourself and express them in the world.
Even finding new places in your local community can open up the possibility of being your true self. When I first moved back to the US, I was in a place that felt far removed from my authentic community and lifestyle that I was used to. There was a coffee shop about 20 minutes away from my house, in an area that I never thought I would feel the energy of a creative community in, and as soon as I sat down at a table I felt the buzz of the cafe and the indie folk music blasting. I could’ve been anywhere in that moment. I wrote in my journal and came up with new creative ideas, just as I would have if I was back in Australia or Amsterdam.
Getting out of my comfort zone, and going somewhere new brought back feelings of true authenticity and new energy into my life. You don’t need to go far to find a new adventure.
(I wrote a blog post about being comfortable wherever you are if you’re looking for some authenticity inspiration for an upcoming trip or new adventure).
Joy leads to authenticity.
Start to sprinkle in things that you enjoy that are aligned with where you’re at right now, in this moment. It can be overwhelming if you decide that you want to go on a big trip, but maybe you need to save first. Can you explore your local town and try new things? Can you start to integrate the cuisine into your life?
I have a dream of owning a house out in nature and decorating it completely authentic to me and my style. I started to deny myself of experiencing the joy that I have for interiors and home styling because I don’t have the dream nature house yet. In the last two weeks, I’ve felt so connected to my joy and authentic self because I’ve given myself permission to start my ceramic mug collection. I love coffee, and enjoy drinking out of a colorful, handmade mug. Whenever I think of my nature house dream, I always see myself in the kitchen making coffee using ceramic mugs that I love. I can live out that feeling now through intentionally sourcing cool mugs and making coffee where I live now.
It might seem like it won’t have a big affect, and that’s what I thought as well. I didn’t think that purchasing a ceramic mug and using that in my daily ritual would make up for the fact that I didn’t already have the dream house – but it did.
We build up scenarios in our head where we think, ‘when I have the dream’, then I will feel how I want to feel – but that isn’t entirely true. You can experience all of the feelings your dream will give you in daily moments. My ceramic mugs can vouch.
Where can you start to create ways of having your dream now, through experiencing the joy in exactly where you are?
Accepting chapters: the process of authenticity
I have had chapters of pure authenticity – of knowing exactly who I am, feeling like I have true purpose here, and following my dreams. Then after some time, the dream starts to feel a little off. What I once thought I wanted, doesn’t seem to fit like it used to.
Sometimes we get lost and off track, as a very normal part of being a human. It’s ok to acknowledge that what was once a dream, now doesn’t feel aligned anymore.
Authenticity is an ever evolving thing, just as we are. It’s built in chapters, and through self-inquiry. Sometimes it comes through new experiences and people. Sometimes it’s about leaning deeper into yourself, and other times it’s about getting out of your own way.
It’s ok to lose yourself. To feel like you don’t know how to be your truest self. Acknowledging that is the most honest, authentic thing you can do. From acknowledging it, that’s where the magic can flow in.
